I think I’ve turned a corner with my IV treatment. There were terrible hours of pain involved in getting this far, but I was really never tempted to quit, though it was my choice to do so. I knew that if I gave it long enough I would either feel some improvement or discover that this was not the medication for me. I’m still not out of the woods with it, but it’s hit-and-miss when it comes to my pain escalating. One day it will be terrible, the next, normal. My energy is still very low, however. In the beginning of treatment, every day was the same- unbearable- which is why I think something is changing, at least where my pain is concerned.
But because my herxing is better, it may mean it’s time to add in some more cyst-busters, such as Alinia. That one made me very ill before, so I’m not too eager to try it again. Borrelia (Lyme) is capable of transforming into a cyst when it feels its life is being threatened. Apparently, while it is in cyst form, it is immune to antibiotics. It is also asymptomatic, which means it produces no symptoms, but it will eventually transform back into a Spirochete when there are no more antibiotics threatening its life, which is when the host- the human- will begin to feel ill again. Cyst-busters open up the cysts and destroy them, doing the job that antibiotics are incapable of and completing the treatment protocol. If cyst-busters aren’t used during chronic Lyme treatment, and only antibiotics are used, Lyme will certainly come back and undo all of the hard work and suffering of prior treatment.
Spirochete also use biofilm to hide from antibiotics. Biofilm is created using the body’s natural fibrin, a protein our bodies create for blood clotting. Spirochete can also swap genetic information with other bacteria such as drug-resistant genes. So, in addition to antibiotics and cyst-busters, biofilm dissolvers are used to combat Lyme. All of these cause World War Z within the body and make for a very ill-feeling patient, which is why detoxing is so vital to ridding ourselves of the dead. This is possibly where the highest degree of suffering comes in.
When the suffering becomes too much, and it’s difficult to lie still because of the pain, or it’s all I can do not to just scream in frustration, I try to think of nicer things, better days, and what I want to do when I feel well enough to do something recreational. These are the thoughts that keep the chronically ill sane. Sometimes I enter my own private world as I curl into a ball and burrow into pillows and try to forget the present and how terrible I feel. It would be nice if I could just shed my skin and walk around outside of my illness for even a few minutes, but I can’t; and escaping mentally, if not physically, is the closest I can get to escaping bodily.
But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane, in proving foresight may be vain: the best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft a-gley, an’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain, for promised joy. -Robert Burns