This past week was a really hard one. On Monday my nurse came to change my PICC dressing. Thankfully, I was feeling okay. On Tuesday and Wednesday I had a fever (higher than usual) which made me feel extremely ill. Thursday morning dawned hopeful and, encouraged by feeling a little stronger, I determined to get out of the house and ask Mom to take me on a drive. Winston was thrilled with the idea. I made it, but the stress of getting ready and going out took its toll and I was much worse that evening. Friday began normally enough, but by early afternoon, I was feeling very weak and discovered my blood pressure was a little lower than normal at 104 over 53. I was very shaky feeling, clammy, sleepy, and my heart felt like it was slamming in my chest. I could barely move and every time I attempted to roll over I became sleepier and my heart would slam harder. I was starting to panic. My first thought was that it was my blood sugar, because I sometimes get extremely weak and unable to move or speak if I haven’t eaten in a few hours. In the past, it has gotten to the point where I’m unable to feed myself. But food didn’t help this time. My doctor advised me to drink fluids, take some salt, and get hooked up to an IV right away for added fluid. Apparently I was dehydrated because the fluid helped immediately. I was able to feel a little better after drinking and taking some sea salt on a spoonful of peanut butter.
The tread of my endurance is wearing thin from this week’s spiral downward. Yesterday I awoke feeling unusually weak again and very ill. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was starting to shut down inside. I curled up on the couch after a forced lunch and cried. I felt so sick, so weak, and so hopeless. Nothing was helping. I couldn’t be diverted. Mom stayed with me and rubbed my back. Sometimes when things just keep getting worse, it’s best not to hold it all in, but allow the “bad” energy to be released. And crying is the only way I’m able to let it go. Of course, exhausting myself even more from crying is not without its repercussions. After a time of pitiful indulgence, Mom suggested I take a detox bath since I was probably herxing, so I made myself get up and into a warm bath. It did, combined with medication, help me to relax and feel somewhat human again. I had a lovely nap afterward, which was probably the highlight of my entire week.
Today is the start of a new week. Here’s hoping it’s much more tolerable than the last!
The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside… couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried. – Let It Go lyrics